My name is Suzanne, and I identify as lesbian, and my pronouns are she/her. In 2014 during my freshman year of high school, I first uttered the words “I think I like girls” aloud to myself. As terrifying as this realization was, there was something incredibly freeing about simply putting it into the universe. Although I had yet to confide in those closest to me, coming out to myself was the first step to accepting my sexuality. At this point, I had a lot of internalized homophobia stemming from being raised in a Catholic environment and the stigma surrounding being gay I witnessed while growing up. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was taught that being gay is a choice, and it was the wrong one; therefore, I carried these beliefs with me as I got older.

As a sexually confused teenager at an all-girls Catholic high school, I repressed these feelings in hopes that I was “going through a phase.” I didn’t begin to explore my sexuality until I graduated from high school. I dated both men and women but always felt an unexplainable attraction towards women that was never present with any man. It wasn’t until I met my first girlfriend, Jules, that I realized I was a whole-hearted lesbian. For the first time, I had more than a physical attraction; I developed a deep romantic connection with a woman, which was exciting and petrifying at the same time.

At this point, I knew it was time to come out to my friends and family. The fear of being rejected and judged by the people I loved the most stopped me from being honest with them. I suspected that my sisters knew about Jules, but they waited for me to be comfortable enough to come to them. One by one, I mustered up the courage to tell each of them that Jules was more than a friend. Deep down, I knew that they would love and support me in any situation, but I still felt afraid and insecure. After revealing my “big secret,” I was met with the response “we know” by most of my sisters, making me feel grateful to have a support system. However, I knew it wouldn’t be that easy coming out to other family members.

I vividly remember trying on dresses for my sister’s wedding with my mother. She asked me, “why is your friend (Jules) still here? I took a deep breath and told myself it is now or never, and I told her that we’re dating. We both stood in silence for what felt like the longest minute of my life. I watched as her eyes glossed over; she said nothing to me, grabbed her keys, and drove away. I remember bursting into tears and feeling alone, but luckily, I had my sisters and Jules remind me that everything would be okay. Two days later, I got a text from her saying, “I know that was hard to say, and I love you.” Although my mom’s response crushed me at the time, I had to remember that it took me years to come to terms with sexuality and my mom needed time to process just like I did. Acceptance does not come overnight for everyone, but that is okay.

Ultimately, coming out is not a one-time experience, and this is not the entire story. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, coming out happens every time you leave the house and meet someone new. I hope you enjoyed my story and I would love to hear about your experience!